What can be said about 2020?
Twenty nineteen was bad enough. My mother who had suffered greatly with Parkinson's Disease for years passed away. We knew she was going to die and in many ways it was a blessing. There would be no more suffering. For her.
Daddy was suffering from a broken heart, and waiting to die from bone cancer. His impending death was hard on our very large family. We spent most of those last days gathered around him. His death came sixteen days after Mom's. We were so overcome with grief from their deaths being so close together, I think we all went a little crazy.
A few months later, my sister's husband passed away. When someone your age dies, you become acutely aware of your own mortality. We were still grieving our parents, so it was all just too much. You feel like the sky is falling on you.
Then comes 2020 and the Coronavirus. Months of being shut up in the house in fear of dying from COVID-19. I can't even describe all the feelings I had during this time. Wavering between faith that God would see us through, fear of certain death from contact with any humans, and everything in between the two, it was difficult to function from day to day.
My husband of forty-six years was taken from me in August after weeks of suffering from pneumonia caused by the Coronavirus, without me by his side. I was able to see him one time, when he was unconscious, not knowing that I was there. My partner, my best friend, my first and only love was gone. I was now alone. I had never been alone.
Shortly after Roger's death came Hurricane Laura. I was in no way prepared for a hurricane. I didn't know how to run a generator and physically couldn't board up windows. I had to learn things. I also had to learn to ask for help. Eleven lonely dark days of no power. My body and my mind felt like I had been through a war. S many things to do to keep going. So many things to do in the aftermath.
I left my windows boarded in case we had another hurricane. It was so dark and gloomy, my houseplants were dying. I think I was dying too. I had to ask a neighbor to remove one of the boards. I needed that sunlight. Then came Hurricane Delta and even more days of no electricity, and damage to handle.
I am learning to do things I have never had to do. Roger did these things. Roger did everything. I miss him so much. I miss being with my children, and my friends. I miss my life before this virus. I wonder how much more misery there will be in 2020 and beyond. I wonder if I have the strength to endure.
